Sunday 7 December 2008

Alone again

Years ago, this time, this date I thought,
I would have given it all away,
I made believe that I would have someone,
Snap back in reality, alone again.

In dreams of a far away place,
There is someone perfect out there,
Someone that is a heroic figure,
Someone that I could call mine.

We would spend most of our time together,
We would swim in the deep blue sea,
Maybe we would fight and make up,
All that is just my dream.

I know that it is not real,
Maybe not yet or never going to happen,
It is all my desire and wild imagination,
I know because I am alone again.

I go to bed and wake up all alone,
We never ever spend some time together,
When I laugh or cry, when I cut or bleed,
I turn around to find that I am alone again.

No hero to save me from my wicked tower,
No lips to kiss and taste the breathe of life,
No hands to hold when there is fear,
When I look for one, I am alone again.

I dare not think of what years might bring,
Maybe my wild imagination will come true,
Then, I will dare to dream and believe,
Maybe, I will always be alone again.

Wednesday 19 November 2008

If the world ends tomorrow


If the world ends tomorrow,
Maybe I will not be drown in sorrow,
Apart of me might be glad,
Know that I am good without a lad.

There will be no worries for me,
Everything will start to clear up for me,
I do not have to think about the future,
Do not need to be any more mature.

If the world ends tomorrow,
There is no need for a bone marrow,
I will live healthy with a smile,
I might be glad that I will run a mile.

I do not have to look around and feel sad,
Maybe I will skip and feel glad,
No stab of jealousy for couples in the park,
No need for a lad to make my life spark.

If the world ends tomorrow,
There is nothing I would borrow,
No books, no pencils scattered on the table,
Do not need to make my life stable
.

Money would finally mean nothing anymore,
When everyone walk into that door,
There and then, my life would just end,
So will my worries and my pain.

If the world end tomorrow,
I will have my last ride on the burrow,
Giggling again like a little child,
Release me into the wild.

I would lay on the bed with my eyes close,
No more nightmares, no more foes,
I would pray for wishing for this sorrow,
If only tomorrow the world could end.

Tuesday 11 November 2008

Life and Death

"Just kill me now," she begged while they were talking. It had been weeks that he saw her feeling so down. They were on the park bench facing the lake. He looked at her and noticed that she had been crying. There was only silence after that sentence. He did not know what to say to make her pain go away.
Murray and Chrissa knew each other in High School. She felt the sense of belonging when they are together. They fell in love and out of love because they are always fighting as a couple. The only became best friends and promised to be with wach other. That lake is the lake that they will go to talk out their problem.
"What is the matter?" he asked breaking the silence. "I don't know anymore, Murray" she answered. "Life is somehow not worth living", she cried. It may be true as her parents just divorced and she was fired doing the thing that she like best. Murray just said, "It is all right" and huged her.
"Just be patience. You will find work again. I am sure that your parents still loves you," stated Murray caressing her soft brown hair. She appologized for crying on his shirt. There they were and she do not understand why after being married for 45 years, her parents are still getting a divirce. Do they really want to spend time alone until they die? Murray opened his bag and passed a beer to her.
When evening fall there was no conversation at all. Chrissa is in her own world and Murray is just there to show his support. All that Chrissa need was time to clear her head. "Let's go home", she said when the night fall. Their walk home was busied with thoughts about love and love. "Just call me and know that i love you, "said Murray before heading to another way.
That was the last time he saw Chrissa. After their day in the park, Chrissa was found unconscious. When Murrau heard the news, he rushed to the hospital to be with her. On the second morning in the hospital, she woke up and told Murray that she love him and asked him to get some lunch. When Murray came back, she slipped into a coma and that night, she passed away.
Doctors concluded that her heart failed and all these years, only Chrissa knew what was going on. Murray was killed a year later in a car crash and his last word was, "I can see her". It is scary to think about life and death. You may spend time with your friends or your love ones and the next thing you know, they are dead. Appriciate them before it is too late.

Monday 6 October 2008

Fool

I have heard the same words over again,
Waiting on the other line for me to reply,
I felt so empty and wrong,
I know that I have to be strong.

I tried to moved on but I always look back,
Wishing that I never pack,
When I think that I am strong again,
You called and it feels like no end.

Was I a fool to fall for you?
Was it me or is it you?
Who is at lost here?
Whose heart that is not here?

You called on the line and I let it ring,
Apart of me wanted to sing,
Apart of me want to cry,
All this time I am still asking why.

I longed for you when I am lonely,
I want you to be mine only,
Someone that will wait on me,
But, you cannot see.

I thought that life would be different,
I was wrong because I cried, often,
Thinking that I would start celebrating Valentine,
What a fool to have this thought.

Sick and tired of being all alone,
I want someone to make me feel wanted,
I want to feel that I belong to someone,
I was a fool to fall for you,
A fool to pick up the phone,
After you hang up,
I feel so lonely and drowned myself in tears.

Monday 22 September 2008

I will still know

Like a broken chair caught in the rain,
In the front yard waiting to be rescue,
Maybe a carpenter who could fix it,
Maybe then, there will be a place of belonging.

There it was for days and nights,
Paraded to the public with its ugliness,
It was once a beautiful piece of furniture,
After all these years, it loses its beauty.

If you were caught in my rain,
I would shelter you with my umbrella,
You know that you are always welcome,
All you have to do is call my name.

I would not leave you to bleed if you fall,
I will bring the first aid to mend your wound,
That is how a friend should be,
Always there, especially when you fall.

You can lean on my shoulder, you can complain,
I will stand with you and listen,
If you cry, I will cry too,
It hurt me to see your tears.

I was that broken chair for a long time,
Always unwanted by any groups,
Don’t worry my friend; I know how it feels like,
I was once your victim to this pain.

I would not push you aside because I care,
I would not let you be paraded as ‘friendless’,
You know, that you can always have me,
Cause I will still know you and be here.

Tuesday 16 September 2008

Walking zombies

The sun is going down, darkness fall,
Everyone is in the house making some call,
The dead will rise from their grave tonight,
The walking zombies vs human, in sight.

Low grunting sound, walking around town,
Go for cover, stay put, do not make a sound,
Any victim they comes accross will be dead,
Walking zombies all losing their head.

In their ruined clothes they drag along the way,
Do not communicate as they won't understand a word you say,
RUN, RUN for your life and just be strong,
They are the walking zombies, all are wrong.

Their eyes tell that they are dead but they are not,
Mouth dripping with blood that is still hot,
All skin, organs and flesh are their sources of food,
The walking zombies will kill for good.


They capture their victims without any mercy,
"No sir! That is not little Percy",
He is dead before...but risen agaib,
He is a walking zombie who will eat your brain.

Shoot them in the head to kill them,
They are not human, not even condemn,
Once the virus breaks here lies the humanity,
One mistake and we lose our insanity.

Monday 1 September 2008

DAMN

If i could pick an emotion now, it would be between being angry and irritated.It is only almost 9AM and i am feeling like this.Guess it is not my day today.The one thing that i hate being in campus is having a roomate.Every semester i am given a roomate that could barely compromise.A roomate that thinks that she is alone in this room.Other words they are selfish.
When i enter this semester,I thought differently but after a few weeks, i was wrong...like always.There were just so much noise especially in the morning.Like the previous two roomates,there was so much banging!!!Is that what people want to hear early in the morning.It gets to me this morning when she sets the dam alarm to 5.45AM and just let it ring a while.I went to the toilet then and it was off.
Then, woke up again before 8AM because of the banging and talking to her friend and a final slam on the door before she left.Buenos diaz to me,i am awake.Hardly slept and had a bad dream about Bambi. I couldn't imagine how today is going to be like.What else can be worse than spoiling my mood this early and i got class until 6PM.I am already having a headache...
I never did get a single room though i asked for it and i am stuck here.I am not going to move out because it is already my final years.Guess that i will just have to deal with it and hoping that i can just sleep through the noise everyday.It makes me miss home because i have my own room and Bambi too.Life is a bitch but i know i just have to hold on.It is not easy but i have been through this shit before.

Thursday 24 July 2008

UnBeLiEvEaBlE

There is no word to describe what i feel now. I had a relationship for a while but it is a crazy one. I was not even sure that it will work as this relationship started on Friday the 13th and it really is doom.I never believe in such days but who knows?
Anyway, i was seeing a guy but i guess we are history now.There is no more 'we'. How can you love someone who only wanted sex and want that to be the base of the relationship? When we talk ,it is all about him being horny.Gosh, is there no way that guys can control it? Is sex the only there is up in their head? Do they wake up and say "I need sex". It is horrible!!! Every sms, every mail, every messenger is all about SEX!!! At times, i think that he only sees me as a sex object though he claimed that it is not true. Am i wrong not to compromise? I don't think so.
We broke up not because of that but because of the sake of religion. He wanted to convert to another religion. Of course, i do not. What if i have really fallen in love with him? What should i do then?When i told him that, he siad that we are not intimate yet so i do not have to worry.What does that mean anyway? Is it when we start having sex is the time when we are intimate? So does that mean that we are not in love?I guess my feeling for him is just a game for him for sex. Sorry but that is not me. This means that he is not ready for a relationship or commitment so what is the point?
My heart shattered into millions of pieces but there is no tears. Not a single tears. It is either i am trying to be strong or in the state of denial. I wish him all the best and hope that he can find another girl that can satisfy him sexually. As for me, there are still a lot of fish in the sea and if i can't have any then....guess i will be spending my life alone.

Monday 7 July 2008

Miss

It has been a while since i last blog in. I am now, back in campus.As a matter a fact, it is only 9AM and i am dress but class only starts at 11AM.I woke up around 8AM cuz i canot sleep.The reason seems obvious if you know me.I get restless the first few weeks of the new semester. Well, i miss my dog, Bambi so much. You may think that it is silly feeling this way but it is not.
I spend my time with Bambi a lot. I go to sleep at night with him by my side and wakes up in the morning with him by my side. In campus, i wakes up with spongebob with me and it is so much different.That explains the reason i woke up early. I woke up crying because Bambi is not here. Again, you may say stop being so childish or being a big baby because he is just a dog or my brother is looking after him.All that is true but all that i can say is that i miss my Bambi so much. Miss is just a word but it means more if you are feeling it. There is no actual word to describe it. Everyone told me that he will be ok and not to cry.How is that possible?I spend my sleeping hours with Bambi and proabably most of my time during the holidays. I hate feeling this way but i know that i will feel better when i starts getting busy. So for now, i just have to be strong and do what i am suppose to.

Thursday 8 May 2008

Your face

The world is a lonely and cold place,
Especially this time I can’t see your face,
Everything is misty, everything unclear,
Lost in the fog, where are you, my dear?

I’ve waited for so long but no shadows,
No solid picture of you through that door,
Waiting on the porch for you every night,
But you are still out of sight.

Should I start counting the stars in the sky?
Or should I start to learn how to fly?
Maybe if I pray a little more,
Will you return to this very core?

So many questions, so many tears,
None answer and leads to fears,
Not knowing if I will ever be alright,
I am holding on without any light.

The bed is made and it is cold,
Without you here, I am growing old,
No one to turn to, no one to hold,
This is not a fairytale that I was once told…
“Princess was locked up in a high tower,
The prince has strength, that is his power,
Safe the princess with a kiss,
Through their ups and downs they found bliss,
Before getting married, they found lots of laughter,
Only then, they have their happily ever after”.

I laid awake and drowned in my own tears,
Will I ever get the answer to my prayers?
Should I keep on waiting in this cruel place?
I just hope that one day I will see your face.

Saturday 3 May 2008

Insane

This is insane!!! It is almost midnight and the neighbour is still burning grass, i think. I just had my bath and washed my hair and i have to do it all over again. I guess yesterday's hard work of cleaning up my room is pointless because all the bedsheets and my towel is the smell of smoke. My poor Bambi also smells...
Well...i don't know what to write because there is nothing much going on right now.It is a holiday for me and there is no plan.I have been back for a week and so far all that i did was clean up the house and it is all clean now. Thank God. Besides that, i am watching 'Buffy the vampire slayer' until the wee hours.Oh, also i am reading 'Frankenstein' for my next semester's independence study.Am i making the right choice to take it?Will i be able to cope with it? There is no class or finals just the research paper.I am still thinking about it.
I guess that is all for me. I am bored but i do not feel like going out. Weird isn't it?

Dark parade

The dark Parade

A slow moving parade across the city,
It is quiet, on a Sunday evening,
There were cars, vans and mourners,
Colourless except the decaying!
There he was walking very slowly,
Wiping every tears on his pale cheeks,
Staring at his own black boots,
Hoping-no one can see his tears.
Then, it went motionless,
Everyone in shock and panic,
Some speechless, some screamed,
Sigh- another parade yet to go.
No one spoke of him again,
Two parades, for both husband and wife,
Gone to see their beautiful daughter,
Some said he brings shame and humiliation,
When he put a bullet through his brain.
How could he lose both the queen and princess?
How so? Isn’t this all about love?
They love each other, dearly,
Even when she said,
“There will be a dark parade soon”.
There and then it was again a Sunday,
They left the mourners as they speak,
Finally for eternity,
Maybe that is true love,
Maybe it is true beauty!!

Father

FATHER

I talked to God last night,
My eyes shut tight,
Hoping that He can hear
Wanting Him to be here,
I have one single wish…
Father, will you take me now?
I don’t care why or how,
Please don’t let me wake up
I can’t face this cruel world.
Father, I fail when I ask,
I feel so low because of this task,
I have no one to talk to and no one will listen,
I know I will burn in Hell.
Tears rolling down my cheeks
I beg for You to take me now,
I can’t face the challenge
No! I hurt too much.
I fall every time and could not get up,
I feel so lost and empty,
Every minute of everyday,
I will still be waiting, I pray,
Please, Father take me now.

Friday 25 April 2008

Second best

The mirror shatters like rain,
Everything now is just numb with pain,
How long can i take trying to pretend?
Well, i guess that it will never ever end.
Words of love are just words,
Action, that is a stronger impact,
I need no other word but understanding,
Wondering when will it all end.
I hate the truth, it hurts,
It cut me, no, no i am not made from stone,
I cry, I fall and I bleed,
You don't know that, you think i am invisible.
Love me as the second best,
In the past, the present and the future?
What was my mistake to your acts?
This inhuman curelty, leads to tears.
Will you love me if i was prettier,
Will you love me if i was not shy?
What if i die? Will you laugh?
Sick of people threating me,
Like a stone, dead and an object,
Why is it always me?
Me, that always comes as...,
The second best.

Friday 18 April 2008

Welcome

First of all welcome and thanks for reading my blog.I started this blog maybe because my oldest brother asked me to or maybe because i want people to appriciate my work.Have you ever write and write, posts after post and no one writes any comments? Well that happened to me.I thought maybe here, it would be different.I am hoping that people will write comments on my blog.

I write short stories, poems and also incidents that happen in life.Let me warn you that it won't all be the happy type as most of my works are gloomy.I guess that is how i view my surroundings, my personal feelings and experiences.At times, there may be happy incidents or something happy that encourages me, then there will be a happy 'art'.

So that is all for now.I hope that people will read and post some comments.Please, don't judge a book by its cover.Don't judge ME.