I've just been to a funeral this morning. Funerals are obviously sad and emotional. Thus, it is known as a dark parade. Such a young life was taken and most people would ask why? No one can answer that question but i guess that is our destiny. Life happens and ends. We have no say in it. "Wait. I don't want to be born now" or "Wait. I don't want to die now", these phrases can only be words. Birth and death wait for no one.
It made me think a lot about death. What does it feels like to die? Where will we go? Will we wonder around and for how long? What about our soul? Do we know that we are dead? What is next after death? Is there another life after that? Is it really goodbye? Different religion view death differently. Plus, the ritual are so different. But, all these questions can only be answered when it is our time to leave Earth.
Life is momentarily. Appreciate your family, your loved ones and your friends. Do not take them for granted because the time you spent with them will be your most precious memories when they are gone. With your memories you will never forget them. So, it will never be a goodbye for good. It will just be short time of separation.
Wednesday, 4 August 2010
Thursday, 22 July 2010
Death
Life is a cycle on Earth,
It's been going on for thousands of years,
Just like the season,
Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.
You are rich or you are poor,
You can be white, black or yellow,
Maybe you are the king, the president or a star,
In the eyes of Death we are just human.
Life on Earth is just temporary,
Birth and death are daily,
It is all a matter of Time,
Before your fate takes you.
Death knows no money,
It knows no colour,
It knows no age,
Or even who and how important you are.
We are mortal with one similar agenda,
A road that all human must travel,
Death has nothing but ONE,
We are helpless when it claims our life.
It's been going on for thousands of years,
Just like the season,
Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter.
You are rich or you are poor,
You can be white, black or yellow,
Maybe you are the king, the president or a star,
In the eyes of Death we are just human.
Life on Earth is just temporary,
Birth and death are daily,
It is all a matter of Time,
Before your fate takes you.
Death knows no money,
It knows no colour,
It knows no age,
Or even who and how important you are.
We are mortal with one similar agenda,
A road that all human must travel,
Death has nothing but ONE,
We are helpless when it claims our life.
Thursday, 8 July 2010
Mixed emotions
On Mother's Day this year, Dylan and I found a mother cat and three kittens. The first two kittens were fine but the third kitten was already dead for hours. The kittens were about 2 to 3 weeks old.The mother cat actually belonged to the neighbour but they denied it since it was pregnant. So, we took the mother cat and two kittens in. I did all the feeding, cleaning up and playing with these three strays.
I got a scare one day that the mother cat might be pregnant again. So, Evan offered to bring the mother cat and I to the vet and luckily, she was not pregnant. So, i told the vet the story about this cat and i would like to neuter her. Plus, her kittens were already eating solid food. I brought the mother cat back two days later to have her neutered. It all went well and got her home by that evening. She was a little aggressive and made life harder. Her kittens were kept in a huge cage at night while the mother cat was free to wander.
They stayed on our veranda which was not hot because there is shade. But, it made taking and keeping the laundry into a big chore. This is because the mother cat would run into the room and when i tried carrying her out, she will bite or scratched. I took the opportunity to take them to the SSPCA Adoption Day with mum but no one adopted them. When i came back, i just feel so down and disappointed. No doubt that they were the best looking feline there.So, i am best at crying so i cried.
I hated cleaning up someone's mess. Just because the previous owner didn't neuter the cat, it became pregnant and produced unwanted kittens. The line just go on and most human are heartless. The only solution that they have is throwing the mother cat away. I was so angry and sad but i know i have to hold on until someone adopt them. I wanted the mother cat and kittens adopted by the same family but learned that it is a rare case. I did what i have to and just yesterday, i got a call from a man who wanted the kittens. He saw my poster from the vet.
I explained to him that the mother cat is also available and he said he would love to adopt all of them. He didn't even ask about the price until the end of the conversation so he might be a good owner. I gave away the mother cat and two kittens just this morning. I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because they are wanted now and sad because i will never see them again. My only prayer is that Mimi, Jac Jac and Gus Gus are with a loving, caring and responsible family.
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Tears of a first year
She is half blood and so all ask,
All she thought was..it's a simple task,
She did not know how much it hurt to leave,
Now, she is hanging on the clift.
She walked into her room in campus and cry,
Tears in her eyes and she asked why?
She prayed for strength so she can go on for another day,
Hoping that three years would just come her way.
She wished that she could just pack,
All her belongings in the brown sack,
But she would let everyone and herself down,
She went on without making any sound.
Can't wait to get a degree though she is just in her first year,
All that was the tears of a first year,
I am 'she' and i cried most of the time,
Some said it is a hobby of mine.
Three years had passed and i looked back,
Thankfully i never really pack,
I had so much ups and down,
I've learnt to make some sound.
I've gain experiences and make new friends,
Friends that made me laugh yet drove me to my ends,
I've done new things and seen different people,
All that in the colour of purple.
I am more educated and have more knowledge,
The one that i will use when i'm at the the edge,
Surviving from tutorials and presentation,
Manage to do well in every examination.
I've stand on the stage and took my scroll,
Now i am waiting for lif e to roll,
As i look back ,i know that i will miss those days,
Tears of a first year that made me count for these day.
Friday, 10 July 2009
Tragedy
I had to become a mother at the age of ten. It was too soon but that was all that I could do. I remember the cause of this. I remember the one thing that made my childhood disappear. It is still vivid, as if it happened just yesterday.
The playground would be everyone’s favourite place but not after the incident. The whole town once filled with warmth became so cold. Everyone was terrified. I was nine and that night of the incident I was in the room with my sister, Evelyn. Evelyn was scared that night because of the rain so we switched bed. I closed the windows and sang to her until she fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up realizing that Evelyn was gone. “Mum, Evelyn is not in the house”, I ran to my mother. It was a Saturday morning. We looked in the cupboards, drawers, every room but there was no Evelyn. My mum called my dad who was on the way to work. I went into the room and saw the window opened. “She is kidnapped,” I cried. The house was already packed with neighbours, police and relatives.
The police came to me and talked with me. “How did you know that your sister was kidnapped?’, he asked. I looked at him. He was tall but when he smiles, I was not afraid of him. “I closed the window last night but it is opened now”, I answered. More police arrived and they suspected that Evelyn may have run away from home because no one heard anything broke at night.
There were about 100 volunteers to look for Evelyn. The playground was empty. No children dared to play there. Sun rises and sets and hours turned into days. The FBI had a new theory that Evelyn may have been kidnapped. Dad waited for the kidnapper to call but no one did. Every motorcyclist became a suspect. It was believed to be a motorcyclist because of the trail the motorcyclist left behind There were so many campaigns asking everyone to look for Evelyn.
The picture of her playing in the playground was all over town. She was in a pink dress and she was smiling. Her brown hair was blowing in the wind. She was so happy. I cried every night because I blame myself for not looking after her. If I did not switched bed, it would be me who will be missing. I was afraid that the kidnapper will entered my room and take me. Then again I may see Evelyn and bring her home.
Within three days the number of volunteers increased to 200 people. It was a Wednesday, five days later that a German Shepard found Evelyn. She was about five kilometers away from the playground. The whole town cried when they heard the news of Evelyn. Evelyn was found dead. I did not really know how she died but as I grew older I looked in the dictionary for the meaning of the words. I found out that Evelyn was raped and garroted. I wished that it stopped there but according to the report after she was dead, the kidnapper burnt her. That was when Evelyn’s half burnt body was found.
I became a mother a year after Evelyn’s death. My mother committed suicide on Evelyn’s death anniversary. I was ten years old and I found her hanging in the shower place. I was left with my dad and my two twin sibling, Evie and Ethan. They were four years old. Ever since my mother’s death I was the mother at home. I took care of my twin siblings. I learned to cook, clean and wash. Life was really tough especially growing up without a mother. If this did not happen to Evelyn, maybe all six of us would have been a big happy family. Suffering so much becoming a ‘mother’ to my brother and sister, at times I wished that it was me that was kidnapped and killed not Evelyn. Maybe then my mother would not have committed suicide. She would be able to take care of my dad, Evelyn, Evie and Ethan.
As I sit at the bench in the same playground Evelyn and I once played in I looked at Evie and Ethan. They just came back prom night. “What are you doing here?”, asked Ethan sitting beside me. “Just thinking”, I answered. I remembered the times that Evelyn and I played on the swing and the slide. “About what?” asked Evie. Evie and Ethan do not really know the story about Evelyn and I thought it was time to tell them. “Evelyn”, I answered. They looked at each other and I continued, “Both of you has an older sister, Evelyn”. The last thing I told them was “There is no justice here”. It was because Evelyn’s murderer was never found. He is still out there growing old while Evelyn will always be seven years old. I do not understand how anyone could killed such an innocent child.
The playground would be everyone’s favourite place but not after the incident. The whole town once filled with warmth became so cold. Everyone was terrified. I was nine and that night of the incident I was in the room with my sister, Evelyn. Evelyn was scared that night because of the rain so we switched bed. I closed the windows and sang to her until she fell asleep.
The next morning, I woke up realizing that Evelyn was gone. “Mum, Evelyn is not in the house”, I ran to my mother. It was a Saturday morning. We looked in the cupboards, drawers, every room but there was no Evelyn. My mum called my dad who was on the way to work. I went into the room and saw the window opened. “She is kidnapped,” I cried. The house was already packed with neighbours, police and relatives.
The police came to me and talked with me. “How did you know that your sister was kidnapped?’, he asked. I looked at him. He was tall but when he smiles, I was not afraid of him. “I closed the window last night but it is opened now”, I answered. More police arrived and they suspected that Evelyn may have run away from home because no one heard anything broke at night.
There were about 100 volunteers to look for Evelyn. The playground was empty. No children dared to play there. Sun rises and sets and hours turned into days. The FBI had a new theory that Evelyn may have been kidnapped. Dad waited for the kidnapper to call but no one did. Every motorcyclist became a suspect. It was believed to be a motorcyclist because of the trail the motorcyclist left behind There were so many campaigns asking everyone to look for Evelyn.
The picture of her playing in the playground was all over town. She was in a pink dress and she was smiling. Her brown hair was blowing in the wind. She was so happy. I cried every night because I blame myself for not looking after her. If I did not switched bed, it would be me who will be missing. I was afraid that the kidnapper will entered my room and take me. Then again I may see Evelyn and bring her home.
Within three days the number of volunteers increased to 200 people. It was a Wednesday, five days later that a German Shepard found Evelyn. She was about five kilometers away from the playground. The whole town cried when they heard the news of Evelyn. Evelyn was found dead. I did not really know how she died but as I grew older I looked in the dictionary for the meaning of the words. I found out that Evelyn was raped and garroted. I wished that it stopped there but according to the report after she was dead, the kidnapper burnt her. That was when Evelyn’s half burnt body was found.
I became a mother a year after Evelyn’s death. My mother committed suicide on Evelyn’s death anniversary. I was ten years old and I found her hanging in the shower place. I was left with my dad and my two twin sibling, Evie and Ethan. They were four years old. Ever since my mother’s death I was the mother at home. I took care of my twin siblings. I learned to cook, clean and wash. Life was really tough especially growing up without a mother. If this did not happen to Evelyn, maybe all six of us would have been a big happy family. Suffering so much becoming a ‘mother’ to my brother and sister, at times I wished that it was me that was kidnapped and killed not Evelyn. Maybe then my mother would not have committed suicide. She would be able to take care of my dad, Evelyn, Evie and Ethan.
As I sit at the bench in the same playground Evelyn and I once played in I looked at Evie and Ethan. They just came back prom night. “What are you doing here?”, asked Ethan sitting beside me. “Just thinking”, I answered. I remembered the times that Evelyn and I played on the swing and the slide. “About what?” asked Evie. Evie and Ethan do not really know the story about Evelyn and I thought it was time to tell them. “Evelyn”, I answered. They looked at each other and I continued, “Both of you has an older sister, Evelyn”. The last thing I told them was “There is no justice here”. It was because Evelyn’s murderer was never found. He is still out there growing old while Evelyn will always be seven years old. I do not understand how anyone could killed such an innocent child.
Thursday, 7 May 2009
The Altar Boy
She stares at him in church,
Thinking that he must love God,
She was just plain and simple,
Unlike him, he is an altar boy.
She knew him from school,
They never really talk,
She was shy, he was talkative,
She thought, staring at the altar boy.
Few years later, they went out,
She thought that it was meant to be,
Maybe they were put together by God,
She was sure that they would be together.
She dreams of him holding her,
Through laughter and tears,
She dreams that he would propose,
A marriage and have his children.
That beautiful dream was destroy,
When he told her a very big secret,
He no longer believe in God,
Though he was once, an altar boy.
She kept a secret to herself,
After the break up, they moved on,
She really loved him but he does not know,
He thought that she hated him for destroying that dream.
He walked down the street and saw her,
They went for coffee, talked and laugh,
She wrote a letter to him and left it under her pillow,
That night she went in for surgery.
He received a called to go to the hospital,
Instead of seeing her, he got the letter,
It breaks his heart to continue to read,
He cried and prayed once again,
Like he used to when he was an altar boy.
Thinking that he must love God,
She was just plain and simple,
Unlike him, he is an altar boy.
She knew him from school,
They never really talk,
She was shy, he was talkative,
She thought, staring at the altar boy.
Few years later, they went out,
She thought that it was meant to be,
Maybe they were put together by God,
She was sure that they would be together.
She dreams of him holding her,
Through laughter and tears,
She dreams that he would propose,
A marriage and have his children.
That beautiful dream was destroy,
When he told her a very big secret,
He no longer believe in God,
Though he was once, an altar boy.
She kept a secret to herself,
After the break up, they moved on,
She really loved him but he does not know,
He thought that she hated him for destroying that dream.
He walked down the street and saw her,
They went for coffee, talked and laugh,
She wrote a letter to him and left it under her pillow,
That night she went in for surgery.
He received a called to go to the hospital,
Instead of seeing her, he got the letter,
It breaks his heart to continue to read,
He cried and prayed once again,
Like he used to when he was an altar boy.
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Trail
We sat in the dark and talked,
The wind blowing in our hair,
Had a drink or two and we started,
Telling each other our deepest secrets.
Facing the crowds with a charge,
A room full with juries and a judge,
Staring me in those chains when i swore,
On the Holy Book to tell nothing but the truth.
I commited this crime over and over again,
I'm addicted to it just like drugs,
Facing the juries, my heartbeats faster,
I promise, i'll never do it again.
All my hope and dreams destroyed,
You said we could be beset friend,
That was the biggest relieve that i had,
When we decided to forgive and forget.
"All rise" and everyone stood up,
I felt naked, when all eyes fall on me,
"Guilty!!" , was my charge and i was sentence,
I looked back, crying because of you.
Why do i feel that our friendship is on trail?
So many juries needed for such a small case,
I don't need then to decide for me, do you?
Tell me, what am i guilty of?
The wind blowing in our hair,
Had a drink or two and we started,
Telling each other our deepest secrets.
Facing the crowds with a charge,
A room full with juries and a judge,
Staring me in those chains when i swore,
On the Holy Book to tell nothing but the truth.
I commited this crime over and over again,
I'm addicted to it just like drugs,
Facing the juries, my heartbeats faster,
I promise, i'll never do it again.
All my hope and dreams destroyed,
You said we could be beset friend,
That was the biggest relieve that i had,
When we decided to forgive and forget.
"All rise" and everyone stood up,
I felt naked, when all eyes fall on me,
"Guilty!!" , was my charge and i was sentence,
I looked back, crying because of you.
Why do i feel that our friendship is on trail?
So many juries needed for such a small case,
I don't need then to decide for me, do you?
Tell me, what am i guilty of?
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